Thanks Linda for the post topic! She was wondering about my decision to leave my job for our latest cycle. This came after the decision to take an unpaid leave of absence for my fresh cycle last November, which I think helped me then. (see "what we did" post from December) I apologize in advance that this is long and rambling, but as you can see it wasn't a decision that we came to quickly or without a lot a crap going down first.
Back when we were planning to cycle last Sept/Oct (after my last septum/lap surgery and before my FIL passed away unexpectedly delaying our cycle to Oct/Nov), I had spoken with my boss about what we were doing and that I'd like to take some time off to focus on our cycle. He was very supportive, having a brother who with his wife had been through the IVF process as well (they now have twins). I then had to spend a lot of time with HR to try to figure out how to make it work. They wanted me to apply for STD, which I knew I wouldn't, and didn't, qualify for, as my RE would only write me out of work for ER and ET (two days). I finally ended up taking a personal leave, when we got to cycling in November. I gave up those weeks of my salary and that portion of the year's bonus, but I didn't have to use any of my PTO time, which I cashed out when I left the company. After doing some research, I also requested that it not count against my 12 weeks of guaranteed time for FMLA, since it was obviously our plan to get pg and need that time for maternity leave, which would have been paid through STD and my saved PTO.
I found out I was pg over Thanksgiving and returned to work the next week. I worked for just over a month before we lost that pregnancy. My boss was then very understanding and let me take a week off (off the books) and then I came back to work partial days for the next. After DH returned from India, we began our recovery and planned for our next/FET cycle with our two remaining embryos from our cycle, it became increasingly apparent to me/us that we needed to focus our energies even more on what we doing.
Originally, I was meant to be on the road for work from late Jan-April (my 2nd tri for my 1st pg, which I thought would work out, though the pg didn't), but then in December found out that this would be delayed. After I returned to work in January after our loss, it turned out that the powers that be were considering delaying the roadshow launch even further. I had an honest discussion with my boss, my former boss (who was still leading the project, but was now on a new team), and my boss's boss about how our plans to cycle again would be our priority and that I would need to have someone fill in for me on the road if I needed to be home for appointments on certain days. They were supportive, but honestly the project was so unstable at that point, that I think they were just agreeing to whatever I was saying because they needed me to stick around and help get it off the ground whenever that time came.
I don't remember exactly when DH and I started talking about me leaving my FT job completely. I think I brought it up sometime after the new year. I had been unhappy for some time and a lot had happened since I had started there in the fall of 2009, which was when we began our first treatment cycle. I had completed a mini-MBA program in Feb 2010, which my employer had helped to pay for, so I was obligated to stay on for one year after that, to avoid having to repay those funds. I was also looking forward to collecting my annual bonus at the end of March, which I was definitely sticking around for. So this became our new target. Sometime in late winter, they decided to cancel the roadshow for my project completely, which was somewhat of a relief, but also upset me given I'd devoted 18 months of my life to this project, and it was pretty clear that they were screwing up the launch. I made it known that I didn't agree with this decision and at some point a new, scaled back launch plan was suggested. I again reminded everyone that I would be available only to the extent that whatever schedule they came up with didn't interfere with what we were doing.
It wasn't until mid-March that we were able to begin meds for our FET, given the time required post-m/c to regulate and get back on track. By this time, I was counting down the days. At the end of the month, I got my evaluation, bonus and raise, and after leading the training session that was to replace most of our roadshow, gave my two week notice. I worked until mid-April, two weeks before our transfer. Another reason why I was comfortable leaving without another job lined up, was that the consulting firm I had worked for before I went over the corporate side in 2005, said that they had work for me to do. I did my first, and what has turned out to be only, project for them immediately after I left my FT job. This was the intense project in Vegas that almost cause me to miss my grandfather's funeral in April. After this and getting pg w/twins from our cycle, I have opted not to do much in the way of work which is good now that I'm totally out of commission, though I have been networking, with another consulting firm adding me to their roster of contractors.
We had used the rest of our $15K lifetime max for infertility treatments, through DH's work, on our fresh cycle, so we knew we'd be OOP for whatever came next, unless/until I found a new job with IF benefits. We had saved up enough to do several cycles OOP, if that became necessary. I also did a ridiculous amount of research and even applied to work for companies where IF benefits were available. Given our age, history, focus on having a family (not having kids has never been a viable option for either us, and we have discussed adoption at length), and ability to live on one salary since we live below our means, while we figure out what is going to happen, it made sense for us.
Though long term given my earning ability, which is significantly more than the cost of having someone else care for two kids while I work, I will likely go back to work in some capacity by the time the kids are two/in pre-school in order to help provide the comfortable lifestyle that we'd like to provide for our family. Those 529s don't fully fund themselves unfortunately... And unlike someone I was reading the other day in response to determining their family size, I won't expect my kids to just be thankful to be alive, even though there is no plan/ability to take care of them adequately. This might be the single most ridiculous and irresponsible thing I've ever read, and I know all about this first hand. They should expect some support from their parents in making something of themselves. I don't expect them to start working at 12 or work three jobs through college, like I did. But unless we have a family, the money really means nothing and the things that it can buy (besides IF treatments, of course) can wait. But my biological clock doesn't stop ticking...
Now that I'm on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy, I (and all my Drs.) are very glad that I'm not having to deal with an employer.
Back when we were planning to cycle last Sept/Oct (after my last septum/lap surgery and before my FIL passed away unexpectedly delaying our cycle to Oct/Nov), I had spoken with my boss about what we were doing and that I'd like to take some time off to focus on our cycle. He was very supportive, having a brother who with his wife had been through the IVF process as well (they now have twins). I then had to spend a lot of time with HR to try to figure out how to make it work. They wanted me to apply for STD, which I knew I wouldn't, and didn't, qualify for, as my RE would only write me out of work for ER and ET (two days). I finally ended up taking a personal leave, when we got to cycling in November. I gave up those weeks of my salary and that portion of the year's bonus, but I didn't have to use any of my PTO time, which I cashed out when I left the company. After doing some research, I also requested that it not count against my 12 weeks of guaranteed time for FMLA, since it was obviously our plan to get pg and need that time for maternity leave, which would have been paid through STD and my saved PTO.
I found out I was pg over Thanksgiving and returned to work the next week. I worked for just over a month before we lost that pregnancy. My boss was then very understanding and let me take a week off (off the books) and then I came back to work partial days for the next. After DH returned from India, we began our recovery and planned for our next/FET cycle with our two remaining embryos from our cycle, it became increasingly apparent to me/us that we needed to focus our energies even more on what we doing.
Originally, I was meant to be on the road for work from late Jan-April (my 2nd tri for my 1st pg, which I thought would work out, though the pg didn't), but then in December found out that this would be delayed. After I returned to work in January after our loss, it turned out that the powers that be were considering delaying the roadshow launch even further. I had an honest discussion with my boss, my former boss (who was still leading the project, but was now on a new team), and my boss's boss about how our plans to cycle again would be our priority and that I would need to have someone fill in for me on the road if I needed to be home for appointments on certain days. They were supportive, but honestly the project was so unstable at that point, that I think they were just agreeing to whatever I was saying because they needed me to stick around and help get it off the ground whenever that time came.
I don't remember exactly when DH and I started talking about me leaving my FT job completely. I think I brought it up sometime after the new year. I had been unhappy for some time and a lot had happened since I had started there in the fall of 2009, which was when we began our first treatment cycle. I had completed a mini-MBA program in Feb 2010, which my employer had helped to pay for, so I was obligated to stay on for one year after that, to avoid having to repay those funds. I was also looking forward to collecting my annual bonus at the end of March, which I was definitely sticking around for. So this became our new target. Sometime in late winter, they decided to cancel the roadshow for my project completely, which was somewhat of a relief, but also upset me given I'd devoted 18 months of my life to this project, and it was pretty clear that they were screwing up the launch. I made it known that I didn't agree with this decision and at some point a new, scaled back launch plan was suggested. I again reminded everyone that I would be available only to the extent that whatever schedule they came up with didn't interfere with what we were doing.
It wasn't until mid-March that we were able to begin meds for our FET, given the time required post-m/c to regulate and get back on track. By this time, I was counting down the days. At the end of the month, I got my evaluation, bonus and raise, and after leading the training session that was to replace most of our roadshow, gave my two week notice. I worked until mid-April, two weeks before our transfer. Another reason why I was comfortable leaving without another job lined up, was that the consulting firm I had worked for before I went over the corporate side in 2005, said that they had work for me to do. I did my first, and what has turned out to be only, project for them immediately after I left my FT job. This was the intense project in Vegas that almost cause me to miss my grandfather's funeral in April. After this and getting pg w/twins from our cycle, I have opted not to do much in the way of work which is good now that I'm totally out of commission, though I have been networking, with another consulting firm adding me to their roster of contractors.
We had used the rest of our $15K lifetime max for infertility treatments, through DH's work, on our fresh cycle, so we knew we'd be OOP for whatever came next, unless/until I found a new job with IF benefits. We had saved up enough to do several cycles OOP, if that became necessary. I also did a ridiculous amount of research and even applied to work for companies where IF benefits were available. Given our age, history, focus on having a family (not having kids has never been a viable option for either us, and we have discussed adoption at length), and ability to live on one salary since we live below our means, while we figure out what is going to happen, it made sense for us.
Though long term given my earning ability, which is significantly more than the cost of having someone else care for two kids while I work, I will likely go back to work in some capacity by the time the kids are two/in pre-school in order to help provide the comfortable lifestyle that we'd like to provide for our family. Those 529s don't fully fund themselves unfortunately... And unlike someone I was reading the other day in response to determining their family size, I won't expect my kids to just be thankful to be alive, even though there is no plan/ability to take care of them adequately. This might be the single most ridiculous and irresponsible thing I've ever read, and I know all about this first hand. They should expect some support from their parents in making something of themselves. I don't expect them to start working at 12 or work three jobs through college, like I did. But unless we have a family, the money really means nothing and the things that it can buy (besides IF treatments, of course) can wait. But my biological clock doesn't stop ticking...
Now that I'm on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy, I (and all my Drs.) are very glad that I'm not having to deal with an employer.
1 comment:
It's me again - thank you for posting your story.
It's inspiring to see you take a stand for not allowing work to interfere with your family.
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